The Sexuality of Birth

We Believe....
That birth is inherently safe. The same loving, intelligent consciousness (All That Is, Goddess, God,
Nature) that knows how to grow an egg and a sperm into a human being, knows how to get it out.
Our job is simply to relax and trust. Birth is not a function of the conscious mind any more than
digestion is.

We Believe.....
That the problems women sometimes encounter in birth can be traced to three main causes:
Poverty - lack of food and poor living conditions; Outside interference - doctors and sometimes
midwives poking, prodding, testing, drugging, cutting, etc.; Inside interference - primarily fear
which triggers the fight/flight response and shuts down labor, but also shame and guilt.

When these factors are eliminated, most women can give birth easily, either alone or with friends
and family.

We Believe....
That our bodies and our babies are responsive to our thoughts. The best way to ensure a good
pregnancy and birth is to think positively, face and overcome our fears, and believe in our own
abilities.

I enjoy giving birth. I find it exhilarating and exciting, sexual and spiritual, magical and miraculous!
It is POWER in its purest form, and for me, it is the ultimate creative act.

I prefer to give birth either alone, or with my husband and children. All four of our children have
been born this way. David caught the first one, and I caught the other three. To those who have
been raised in a culture that views birth as inherently dangerous and painful, this may sound like
absolute insanity. There was a time when I would have agreed, but that was before I knew the
truth about birth.

According to Ann Douglas and John R. Sussman, M.D., authors of the book The Unofficial Guide to
Having a Baby, a single orgasm is thought to be 22 times as relaxing as the average tranquilizer.
When you add to this the fact that the average vagina widens 2" during sexual arousal, it only
makes sense to make love in labor. Here are some examples of what is said by various researchers
and birthing couples on the subject:

It was English physician and writer, Grantly Dick-Read, who first opened my eyes to the safety and
beauty of birth. Dick-Read, who wrote and practiced in the first half of the twentieth century, is
widely credited with being one of the fathers of natural childbirth. Simply stated, Dick-Read
believed there is a loving, intelligent consciousness that is behind and within all life. This
consciousness knows how to grow a baby inside of us. We don't have to consciously "assist" it,
figuring out how to grow fingers and toes, eyes and ears. We simply have to trust that as long as
we get fresh air and exercise, shelter and food, the fertilized egg within us will grow into a human
being. And because nature or God is efficient - it completes what it starts - that same reasoning
can be applied to the act of birth.

In other words, we are not suddenly abandoned at the end of our pregnancy. There is literally a
birth "response" that propels our babies from womb to world with very little conscious effort on
our part. The problem is, there is something even more powerful than the birth response,
something that can override it entirely. That something is known as the fight/flight response.

Dick-Read explained it in this way: when a woman is in a state of fear, messages are sent to the
body telling it there is a danger out there that must be fought or run away from... Animals
intuitively understand this concept. This is why they seek seclusion in labor. They "know" that
when a birth is interfered with, the labor may stop or the baby may die. This is as true for
domesticated animals as it is for animals in the wild...

I am not condemning all doctors. Some of them are kind and caring people. And the sad fact is,
although there are many women who feel they have had medical intervention forced upon them,
there are many who expect and even demand it. Doctors who do not comply with a woman's
wishes may be sued if something goes wrong. [Laura is the daughter of a doctor].

However, I think it is safe to say that the majority of doctors in American hospitals believe that
birth is a dangerous ordeal that needs to be managed, controlled, and manipulated. There is also a
financial incentive to keep it this way. Giving birth is the number one reason people go to the
hospital. It is a fifty billion dollar a year industry in this country, and you can be sure there are
people who would like us to continue believing that birth is a dangerous ordeal that can only be
made safe by medical intervention.

There is no denying the fact that doctors do indeed save lives. True emergencies do exist. But
every birth is not an emergency and there is no excuse for treating it as such. As writer Jeannine
Parvati Baker so aptly stated, "Birth is not an emergency. It is simply an emergence."

- The Shanleys' online bookstore, where you can find many more stories and resources is
Bornfree Books and Videos

"Pleasure in birth may be the starting point for optimal family relationships. Our
knowledge of reproduction suggests there may be a biological reason for connecting
pleasure in birth with the best outcome for the baby."

- From "Psychological Factors in Birth and Breastfeeding" by Niles Newton, Ph.D.

"I really think the issue of clitoral stimulation in labor needs to be openly discussed. I
can't believe that I had to try to hide from the midwives and everyone else present what
I was asking Robert to do - I mean, there I was totally naked, legs wide open, getting
ready to push a baby out - but somehow for Robert to rub my clitoris was shameful. He
was very embarrassed, but I loved it - it felt wonderful to have a little bit of pleasure
right smack in the middle of all that pain. Maybe it's not that it's so shameful, but that
it's simply a very intensely private thing. And maybe the solution is not to have so many
people around, or to have the strength to ask them to leave for private times."

- From a letter to the editor written by Robbie Davis-Floyd Ph.D.
(Author of Birth as an American Rite of Passage quoted in Childbirth Alternatives
Quarterly, Summer 1985)

"I have never observed even the slightest laceration in a woman who used clitoral
stimulation as a relaxation method during birth. Clitoral stimulation seems to increase
vaginal engorgement as the baby emerges."

- Ina May Gaskin, Midwife at over 1000 births
From Ina May's Guide to Childbirth, 2003, page 256 (Christiane Northrup MD's fave
birth book)

"Research has found that uterine function during the second stage of labour is directly
linked to a woman's ability to have orgasms during intercourse throughout pregnancy.
The women who did have orgasms, according to one study, experienced shorter second
stages of labour and were less likely to need forceps...Orgasmic women who are at ease
with their sexuality have quicker, less complicated labours."
-From Choices in Childbirth by Andrew Stanway MD & Penny Stanway MD

"One of the best-kept secrets in North American culture is that birth can be ecstatic
and strengthening. Ecstatic birth gives inner power and wisdom to the woman who
experiences it. Even when women experience pain in labor, they understand that there
are ways of making the sensations of labor and birth tolerable that do not involve
numbing the sense with drugs. They know that it is better to keep their senses alive if
they are to experience the true wisdom and power that labor and birth have to offer."

- Ina May Gaskin, ibid, pg. xiii

I've never seen a tear in a woman who was kissing her way through the pushing phase of
labor or touching herself as her baby emerged."

-Ina May Gaskin, ibid, pg. 251

"I had the most sought-after midwife in France - my competent and funny aunt Marie-
Therese, whose radical idea it was that childbirth above all should feel sexy. I listened to
nothing but gospel music during my pregnancy, a music quite new to me, and to France,
and "It's a High Way to Heaven" ("...nothing can walk up there, but the pure in heart...")
was playing on the stereo during the birth; the warmth of the singers' voices a perfect
accompaniment to the lively fire in the fireplace. My vulva oiled and massaged to keep
my hips open and my vagina fluid, I was orgasmic at the end. Petit Pierre practically slid
into the world at the height of my amazement, smiling serenely even before he opened
his eyes."

-From Possessing the Secret of Joy, by Alice Walker

"A woman in California was giving birth at home in a portable birth tub and feeling very
sexy and loving with her partner. Each time she had a contraction she would cry out,
'Oh, baby, I love it. More...more!' Her windows were open because it was July, and soon
a crowd gathered outside her home. When the baby was born amidst shouts of 'Yes!!!
Yes!!! Oh, my God, yes!!!' her neighbors gave her a great round of applause. They only
realized that it was a birth after they heard the cries of a baby."

-From Gentle Birth Choices, by Barbara Harper, R.N.

"I asked my husband to make love to me as I was in a very romantic mood and wanted to
feel him inside me urgently. It was a wonderful experience. I had a few orgasms during
contractions - an absolutely delightful sensation. There was no pain at all....(since then)
our lovemaking has gone from great to extraordinary."

-From "The Effect of Lovemaking on the Progress of Labor," by Marilyn Moran Ph.D.
(Pre- and Perinatal Psychology Journal, Spring 1993)

"Birth is always intimate and sexual, although the intimacy and the sexuality can be
masked. My own personal experience of the births of my children confirms this. My
feelings throughout my wife's labors I can describe only as those of a very close, physical-
emotional, sexual union with her and what I felt to be the transcendent force flowing
through her. The sensation was warm and soft, like making love, but was also strong,
forceful and awesome. Each time the experience changed my life and allowed me a
glimpse of the transcendental."

-Lewis E. Mehl, M.D.
quoted in "Psychophysiological Aspects of Childbirth,"
in The Psychology of Birth, by Leslie Feher

"The labour was so easy that I thought it must be ages before the baby would come... I
found clitoral massage during labour to be a non-invasive and gentle analgesic....I knew I
could no longer do anything but concentrate on the labour. I could put mind and body
together much better in the nude so I took off all my clothes and regressed into a more
instinctive state. My husband's presence made me feel both sensuous and secure.
Kneeling in the lounge I put my hand into my vagina and could feel the hardness of my
baby's head inside me. With the rhythmic movements of my body and lots of vulval
massage, I could really feel the baby coming....Come Baby, Come Mother. Loud, deep-
throated moaning helped ease all this muscular exertion. I still have erotic dreams about
this really sexy and painless transition of labour."

-From "The Jewel in the Crown," by Mary Field
(Childbirth Alternatives Quarterly, Summer 1985)

"Biologically, you are designed to receive great pleasure from your body not only during
lovemaking and intercourse, but in birth and breastfeeding, too....Birth offers sexual
pleasure on a continuum from pleasant sensations (felt while your uterus rhythmically
contracts in early labor if you're relaxed and feeling secure) to an intense birth climax
(yes, just like an orgasm) as your baby slithers into the world of your waiting arms."

-From A Good Birth, A Safe Birth, by Diana Korte and Roberta Scaer

"I began having beautiful, rushing contractions that started low, built up to a peak, and
then left me floating about two feet off the bed. Michael was lying beside me and going
through the rushes too. I saw that I could breathe very deep and fast and rush higher
with the contraction. The contraction would carry me and I would breathe harder and
harder and then we would peak - it would slip off and leave us floating. It felt wonderful,
and we were having a beautiful time. As the contractions got stronger, it felt like I was
making love to the rushes and I could wiggle my body and push into them and it was
really fine."

-From Spiritual Midwifery, by Ina May Gaskin

"I happen to think that having babies is very sexy. The actual birth is so sensuous, very
erotic. The feelings we've both had at the birth of each of our babies were so primal."

-Kate Capshaw Spielberg (a.k.a. Mrs. Steven Spielberg), McCall's, May 1999

"Men take it for granted that their sexual organs can greatly increase in size and then
become small again without being ruined. If obstetricians (and women) could
understand that women’s genitals have similar abilities, episiotomy and laceration rates
in North America might go down overnight.

I like to ask female audiences what happens during a good kiss. What sensations do we
feel? Eyes begin to roll, and women get interesting looks on their faces when AI ask this.
Finally, someone gets the courage to point to her crotch and say, "It gets all tingly."
Then we agree: Engorgement happens. Birth is one of the acts that enlarge the vagina,
sexual foreplay is another. Probably the great difference between the engorgement
experienced by a man and that of a woman is that he can see his, and she can't see
hers. But hers is just as real and important as his - especially when she is giving birth. If
her tissues aren't well-engorged when the baby's head starts to emerge, her uterus is
going to keep pushing the baby's head against them anyway, forcing its way through
vaginal tissues that aren't all the way softened and open. Tears happen this way.
Ideally, all women would be engorged at the time of birth... However, a better ambience
in the average hospital ward would be a necessary first condition."

-Ina May Gaskin's Guide to Childbirth, pg. 250

"How many times have I tried to write an account of Naomi's birth, each time to put the
pen away and return to my work? Only recently did I understand why. Her birth, like her
conception, was an act of a couple's love. It would be as easy to share the details of
intercourse as to share the private moments we shared during the wee hours of that
foggy October morning. She was born with the same attitude of 'do what comes
naturally' that led to her conception. I'll share the play-by-play account with you in the
hope that other couples might be encouraged to experience the natural culmination of
their love....

I had gone to bed nude so rubbing and loving was unobstructed....Just how Bob
managed to support my weight and rub my legs and back, do the perineal rub (sheer
ecstasy at this point) and check my progress, I'll never know....If only I could somehow
recapture and put on this paper the intensity of the love that I felt for the man who was
helping my child to be born. No father should ever allow any other man to be a stand-in
for him at birth any more than he would call in a stunt-man double to take his place
during conception. Every nerve of my body was completely bare to be stimulated and all
the stimulations were pleasant....All I could do was tell Bob how much I loved him and
how good it felt as he barely touched me with his finger tips."

-Scarlett Hart, The New Nativity, Vol. 1, #4

"All the normal lovemaking techniques used by husband and wife in coitus also have a
beautiful augmenting effect on the progress of labor and birth. Deep, warm kisses relax
the mother's face and the other end of her anatomy, too. Nipple stimulation brings on
more effective contractions. And coitus in the early stage of labor is very beneficial
because seminal plasma contains the hormone relaxin (at high levels, no less) which
lengthens pelvic ligaments and softens the cervix. Furthermore, tender touches, husky
whispers, sustained eye contact, and body odors each contribute something of value to
the climactic orgasm of birth."

-From "The Benefits of Sexual Closeness During Birth," by Marilyn Moran Ph.D.
(Two Attune, Sept. 1992)

"The swells were now coming so close together that it felt almost like one continuous
contraction. My entire focus was within me - on the ring of fire that was slowly but
surely expanding. I moaned loudly and clawed in an almost desperate manner at John's
shoulder, but inside I did not feel desperate at all - the incredibly powerful energy
surging through my body was coming to a head; I was at the apex of a Tsunami. I gasped,
calling out, 'Oh God, oh my God!' I felt like I was about to have an incredible orgasm. And
then suddenly, the waters stilled. My heart stilled. My body stilled. I was completely
open, in heart and in body. All pain stopped completely....and slowly, out of the
stillness, came an urge - a pushing, a grunting, an unstoppable force.... Suddenly, 'uh-G!'
- a feeling of clearing the heights of orgasm exploded. My body took over completely
and suddenly my son's head was resting in my hand: large, wet, round and soft. It was
amazing."

-From "Having a Baby ON THE WAY" by Laura Joy Francis